ipromise.
iwillbewaiting.

Aftermath.



It's been two weeks since I last recieved my A level results. It was a bitter-sweet feeling. This was because I did better than expected but it wasn't the grades I aimed for. My teacher asked me to aim for triple Cs and all my friends thought that I was going to fail. That was because I only started serious studying only two weeks before the paper. It seems really funny that people tend to want to do better than what they actually get, even though the results are better than expected. For example, if someone aims to get BBB but instead gets AAB, rather than feeling happy, he would grumble about not getting AAA. That is how funny human nature is. We are never satisfied, be it in studies, relationships, or material wealth. This is one aspect everyone should ponder on. What do we really want in life? Will I ever be satisfied?

The following week, I tagged along the SAJC bowling team to JB for their teaming bonding trip. From a third person point of view, I can tell that the team isn't that united. They are separated into their own groups. Though still friendly with each other, there isn't this mutual bond. There is no hunger for companion and cohesion. I could easily identify the difference between last year and this year(the team itself). This year, everyone just did their own thigns within their own segregated group of friends. Last year, we would gather together at night and talk and do stuff, creating that spirit and similiar team interest. Even one day after the camp, I still feel the want of spending time together. Different batch, different experiences. On ability wise, it is a different story. This is a very promising batch of keglers and I feel that they can bring SA to greater heights. However, they still have to keep in mind that National Schools is not about individual talent but rather teamwork. "Win our title back!" Anyway, I did not waste my time in JB. This was because I manage to salvage a medal with lots of luck. I came in 2nd for singles with an average of 206. Not bad considering the fact that I haven't been bowling for more than 8 months and currently suffering from a severe back injury. Other than that, I manage to complete KOF2002 without help and cheating(ok, no big deal). Besides these "achievements", I did make friends from JB too. What to do, great human relations. Though no as exciting, it was truly a fruitful experience. A good study of human behaviour.

It is easy to see others flaws, but it is extremely difficult to see one's own. We often tend to believe that we are always right and not at fault. I need help. I need to correct myself. I do not know what my flawas are, but I do know that exigent attention is required. Someone help me bt a better person.

Anyway, the song titled "True" has been out for quite long time already. I find the lyrics quite meaningful and somehow I feel that I can related to the song very well. Hence before I go, I shall end of with the lyrics of "True" by Ryan Cabrera.

"True"

I wont talk
I wont breathe
I wont move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might think I dont look
But deep inside
In the corner of my mind
Im attached to you
Im weak
Its true
Cuz im afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cuz my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

You dont know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
Im afraid to move
Im weak
Its true
Im just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know u met me?

I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited

This is true

I know when I go ill be on my way to you
The way thats true

I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited

This is true




Bottled Up



Sometimes I really do feel like a small little bottle. Somehow I am unable to empty what is inside. The the bottle is filled and more material is being forced inside. The pressure exerted is unbearable. How do I empty this bottle. How do I empty my heart?

I always encourage people to shared their problems with me(or others). Thats because it is unhealthy to keep everything to themselves. Being troubled is not an enjoyable process. The more trouble you have, the more pain you feel. I am sure everyone knows that and no further elaboration is required. But everyone also wants to know how to release such unwanted energy; to free themselves from such torment and agony. I am no exception. I use unuseful methods to try and ease the pain. Some methods would be inflicting physical pain, drowning myself in loud music, isolated myself. However these methods does not seem to help. It would lead to more pain and suffering till the point where these troubles would cause eventual mental breakdown. The nest method may acutally be sharing it with your peers and these includes close friends and family members. However, I do not seem to be able to let it all out. I need someone to talk to. To let it all out. To express how i feel. Oh well, I have a personal policy of not troubling others and also the fear of rejection. Therefore I guess I'll just have to hope that everything God has planned for me goes smoothly. I am tired, so "bottled up"


-A level results out in less then a day. Whether if it's a sweet or bitter ending, I hope its good enough for you.....-




Just one of those days.



Yesterday was really a bad day. Let me elaborate a little. I came to work with a happy start. Feeling excited for those who are gonna recieve their O level results. Everything seem to pass smoothly, especially when I realised that my direct boss was on course. It was a "planned" slack day, but no...my upperstudy left me lots of work. I am not blaming him because at least i would be kept busy rather then staring into space. HOWEVER... My boss called from course and threw me more work in the afternoon! She didn't know that I had work of my own! Well, what can I do? Suck thumb lor. I had to check hundreds of mail, fold them, put them in envelopes and send them. I left the office at around 6.30 thanks to Derek and Wai Leng. Without them I would most probably leave at 8 plus. The shitty day doesn't end here. On the bus journey, I happened to be sitting on a chair that is directly under a leaking air-con. The bus was crowded and obviously, I had to stick with my sit (but i was sitting beside a jap girl though =p). Posted the mail, reached home late. Tired and shagged i rested on my bed. A lonely night it was, leaving me to ponder how crap my day was. If something like this happens again today, what can I do? Suck thumb lor.