ipromise.
iwillbewaiting.

-Friends-



According to the dictionary friends mean "one attached to another by affection or esteem " and " a favored companion". However,i feel that friends are just known strangers. They do not really care for you. Some may even be out to sabotage you. Why? This is because it is a competitive world we are living in,regardless of whether the social and political system is based on meritocracy or nepotism. Obviously, if one believes in meritocracy,in order to be the best, won't you have to win the rest? Using underhand means if it is a must. For nepotism, history has proven that power struggle within family members do exist. Is the world really peaceful? Do we have real friends? Or is the word "friend" just another word u associate with someone you know? If so, i have many friends, but no true friends. True friends are people that look out for you when you are in trouble. They are willing to sacrifice themselves for you. It is really true that true friends and companions are hard to come by, whereas for me, it is impossible to have one because due to past experiences, i can never trust anyone anymore.
I have always been a very protected child. My parents and brother remain very close to me. If i face any problems, they will be there to lead me out of the wilderness. Such bonds made me come to realise that human beings are such nice creatures filled with care and emotions. Automatically, i had the same thoughts and feelings towards other people i see. Since i came out into the world of people when i entered school, i remember being very excited. Finally the taste of true friendship. I would devote everything in them. I would share my sweets and secrets with them. Always the first to talk to them and play with them. Until one "fine" day, some friends started to lie to me and made false complains to teachers, i realised that the world is vicious. Another incident i remember was when i saw friends exchanging forbidden items during my primary school days. When the discs got confiscated they suspected me and forced me to pay up. That was because i was a prefect, people tend to judge u quickly. The years of friendship we shared just vanish within seconds due to misunderstanding. Since there was a lack of trust and understanding, can i really call this a "friendship". Being young and naive i thought this would not happen again. Afterall friends quarrelling is unavoidable. i remained loyal and close to other people that come my way. This was something i regretted.
Back in secondary school, i once again met people i thought i could trust. Whenever they call me out, i would be there. But once they meet their Gfs or whatever, they just throw me aside like a tire. When i really thought i could make some good friends, they get posted to other classes and that made relations cool. Therefore i've never made many good friends in secondary school, but rather good backstabbers. However i did make 1 or 2 from my CCA. However they did give me a hard time too..RIGHT SAM? haha.(That is another story for another time). I had given up on friends already. It's really sad because i look at my father mother and brother, they have friends that are as thick as blood. Is this jealousy i see?
Finally in junior college, i thought things took a turn for the better. I knew no one in SAJC, but every soon friendly people started coming over to introduce themselves. At that moment i told myself,"i think i am gonna like it here." How wrong. I feel that the relationship i share with my friends is like the opposite of others. Rather then the relation getting warmer, it gets colder. Its like a fruit slowly rotting. No matter how to try to save the fruit, time kills it slowly. It's not nice to pinpoint people at this time. No one is to be blamed for their personality. If i can't get any true friends, i'll live with it. At least i have a family that cares and a heart without guilt.
A simple msg for those people out there..cherish your friends cos they are really important and if u do backstab, they are just not worth it. Just watch your back and treat yourself with caution. You'll never want to be in the position i'm in. And lastly, never take things for granted.
(btw med..thanks for the help and others who still regard me as a close friend, u'll never be forgotten...i promise)